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Choosing Happiness

Choosing Happiness

Despite the Risk of Failure

Having inspiration isn't the only thing you need to make a dream into reality though. Time and time again, I was always reminded of the risks of not pursuing a more lucrative career.

What if no one liked my work?

What if I become a starving artist?

What if I am wasting my time?

What if I FAIL?

And for many years I didn't pursue my dreams due to these fears. I instead, spent years drifting between vocations that didn't suit me and didn't feel right. But I wasn't wasting my time in these detours in life. Everything I went through gave me valuable experience, that helped shape me into what and who I am today.

And I am forever grateful for that.

But deep in my heart, I knew that art is where my heart is.

I have never been happier than when I am creating something.

Whether it is drawing, crafting, writing, designing, singing, or dancing.

I love it all.

It wasn't until a very devastating series of events that seem to be like a colossal cataclysmic collision in my life that made me think to myself

What has become of me?

I had been through hell and back.

I was 19 years old when I witnessed the death of my grandfather at the hospital. The grief of losing the one person in the world who always supported me left a hole in my heart. I spent the next few years burying myself in school and work, while trying to survive a toxic abusive relationship.

I was grieving and going through depression when I decided to take my very first college art class. It was my only escape from the grim existence that was my life. No one knew what I was going through, but this class made me remember how much I missed creating. This sparked a fire in me to get back into creating again.

I have always channeled my feelings into my art, and within this very dark period of my life, I needed it more than ever. Art was my refuge. A sanctuary for all my feelings and where I could truly be myself, outside of everything else. It was the expression of my innermost thoughts and feelings.

Slowly I went from being a lifeless being just living day-to-day, to the ambitious dreamer I had always been inside. This "new" me frightened some, who could not control the wondrously colorful being that began to emerge like a phoenix from the ashes. They had grown accustom to the robotic slave they had tried to control and tame, and I refused to live that way any longer. It nearly cost me my life to get away from that toxic place. It was hard and terrifying, but I survived.

I didn't bounce back immediately. Suffering trauma left many scars that made me wary of everything. But my passion for the art of creating was there. I began to rebuild myself by channeling all my feelings and thoughts into creating. I began writing, singing, dancing, drawing, crafting, and so much more. And slowly, I regained my true self piece by piece.

Until one day, I realized that before I had even gotten to my 22nd birthday, I had risked my life in so many ways by living a life that I did not want for myself. By forcing myself to be someone else's ideal, I was slowly dying for nothing. I was trying to fit a mold that was not meant for me.

What is the point in living if you are not happy?

Every day is uncertain

Tomorrow is not guaranteed

So if I am going to risk my life

Why not do something worthwhile?

Surviving day to day is no way to live.

And that was when I decided

that I no longer wanted to just survive,

I wanted to thrive in my passion

To pursue my dreams

and become an artist

even though it was risky

but I had been risking my life

this whole time

for all the wrong reasons

When I should have been living

for myself all along.

"Sometimes in our pursuit
for happiness
we must
- Melody Nguyen Boutique

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